In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
