I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
whose parrot is this?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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