one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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