1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
