you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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