Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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