So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she told me i tasted like america
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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