I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
