That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They have beer where we have blood.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
