If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
