theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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