The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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