This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
