Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
