This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
