You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
