U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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