i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
