I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
