hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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