Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize