Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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