If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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