i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk is not a location!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
