i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
