Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
