Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
