Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize