Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
