Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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