I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
