My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
