I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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