had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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