the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i think my cat just said my name.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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