And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
