and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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