never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
