I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
