I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
