Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
