Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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