sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
