Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
