I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
