My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
