Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
