Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
