After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
