My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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