remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
