doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
