so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
