who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
