I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
