What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
