I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
