this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
where are my eyebrows?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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