Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
