So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
