remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
