my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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