I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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