Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's the barista slut.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
