We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
