I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
