i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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