So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
