He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
