In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
