Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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