she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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