You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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