Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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