I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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