I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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