Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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