She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
