dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
